someone owes me an orgasm
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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