so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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