My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
