I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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