hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
