I hate all girls vehemently.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She bit a glass in half.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
