Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
