dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
