You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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