i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
