Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
