I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
