Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do vagina's smell?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
