State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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