What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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