I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
