wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
