I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
