why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
