The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
