You really coming over, don't trick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
