i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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