youre lurking in front of me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
