OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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