So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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