he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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