2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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