508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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