the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
