When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
