You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
