Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
