I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
