I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
