I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
