Don't you send me to vm
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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