so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
