would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
