vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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