I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
