i think my tv is drunk
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
