So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
