I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
