I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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