Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
