i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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