i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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