SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
