Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
