You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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