dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
