you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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