There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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