i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
