I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
