shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
