It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
