Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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