i think i have two assholes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
