youre lurking in front of me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
