so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
