someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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